Ben Franklin was one of the American founding fathers. He was a politician, writer, publisher, diplomat, scientist and inventor. It is Franklin’s picture on the $100 note. In his autobiography, Franklin relates a story about an unnamed hostile rival in the Pennsylvania Assembly who treated him with disdain.
Franklin set out to turn this antagonistic rival into a fan. Franklin was quite a book collector and discovered his rival had a particularly scarce book. He sent the rival a letter asking to borrow the rare book. His rival was flattered and agreed to lend Franklin the book. A week later Franklin sent it back with a thank-you note. The Ben Franklin effect comes from what happened next. The next time the legislature met, the rival approached Franklin and spoke to him in person with “a readiness to serve”. They became great friends, and their friendship continued to Franklin’s death.
Ben Franklin observed that if he asked a colleague for a favour, the colleague liked him more than if he did not ask him for a favour. At first glance, this seems counterintuitive. If you ask a person for a favour, you would think you would like the person more because they did you a favour; however, this is not the case. When a person does someone a favour, they feel good about themselves. The Golden Rule states that if you make a person feel good about themselves, they will like you. Asking someone to do you a favour is not all about you. It is all about the person doing you the favour.
"He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."
Do not overuse this technique because Ben Franklin also said, "Guests, like fish begin to smell after three days" (as do people who ask too many favours). Getting people to like you is easy if you follow the Golden Rule. The hard part is following the Golden Rule because we must put the interest of others above our own.
Franklin set out to turn this antagonistic rival into a fan. Franklin was quite a book collector and discovered his rival had a particularly scarce book. He sent the rival a letter asking to borrow the rare book. His rival was flattered and agreed to lend Franklin the book. A week later Franklin sent it back with a thank-you note. The Ben Franklin effect comes from what happened next. The next time the legislature met, the rival approached Franklin and spoke to him in person with “a readiness to serve”. They became great friends, and their friendship continued to Franklin’s death.
Ben Franklin observed that if he asked a colleague for a favour, the colleague liked him more than if he did not ask him for a favour. At first glance, this seems counterintuitive. If you ask a person for a favour, you would think you would like the person more because they did you a favour; however, this is not the case. When a person does someone a favour, they feel good about themselves. The Golden Rule states that if you make a person feel good about themselves, they will like you. Asking someone to do you a favour is not all about you. It is all about the person doing you the favour.
~ The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
The Ben Franklin effect disputes the idea that we do nice things for people we like, and ignore or mistreat those we don’t. The psychology shows we grow to like people for whom we do nice things, and end up disliking those to whom we are unkind. This leads to us building more social support with others the more we help them.
So next time you need to build rapport with someone who doesn’t seem to like you - try the Ben Franklin effect to improve your relationship with them.
