Thursday, March 28, 2013

Job Seeking Psychiatrists

This post is meant in good-spirits. Don't get offended. If we can't incorporate and utilise humour in our daily lives then we're already doomed. Live, love, and laugh a lot!

* ''I don't want you to think of me as your Psychiatrist. Instead, I want you to think of me as a mental patient who killed the Psychiatrist before you got here...''

* ''So you think you are a potato? . . . On the couch please...''

* ''Welcome to your first day of Freudian analysis. What seems to be the penis?...''

* ''You say that you are paranoid? But I have a report here that says you looked very relaxed in the bath this morning...''

* ''O.K, Word Associations. I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your breasts...''

* ''You seem to have emotional problems and a below average I.Q...I'm prescribing Jersey Shore...''

* ''If you don't think I'm a nosey b**tard, then why did you write that in your diary?''

* ''Yeah.....the voices in your head are not only real, but they're accurate too''

* ''It's time to take a good long look at yourself''... The narcissist agreed.

* ''You being followed here to this appointment is just a delusion, because I followed you and there was nobody following you...''

* ''Oh that's a classic means that you're a psycho...''

- Interpretations and Diagnoses' as above can lead to a life of licking stamps for dinner.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Get to the God Damn Point!!

Struggling to get your point across? Beatin' round the bush a little too much? Like the sound of your own voice more than the people around you? Don't know when to shut up? No, not just Irish politicians...everyone. Try using the 'STAR' format to reduce your 'waffle'. It can be useful for putting a logical structure on examples or stories you have to tell such as in a job interview.

He spoke more crap than a turd salesman

Situation: describe the situation or problem.
Task: describe the tasks that the situation required.
Action: describe the actions undertaken to complete the task successfully + any obstacles overcome.
Result: highlight outcomes achieved.

Good Outcome:  ''You sir have just been hired!''
Bad Outcome:    ''I want you to finish the sentence in the next five seconds or start running!!!''

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Synecdoche, New York

Going on a high rating from IMDB, I recently viewed Synecdoche, New York, starring the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. Usually I'd be a fan of a film that actually makes you think, but for the life of me, I finished watching it not having a bogs notion of what the hell I had just seen.

But like most films, there is usually one stand out part that sticks out from the rest. And the following funeral monologue spoken by the priest in it, is that part. I found myself replaying it a few times over. It's filled with wonderful life lessons, philosophical undertones, and an almost gut-wrenching realisation of how insignificant one's life actually can be. If you haven't seen it or heard it before, enjoy:

''Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out.
...And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really.
And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own.

Well, fuck everybody.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Black Gold

For those people like myself that have pretty much an 'addiction' to caffeine, the reward cards you get in places like Starbucks and Costa coffee help fuel your need to want more.

Say for example you have the following two scenarios:

Scenario A, Card 1
You buy a coffee and are given a reward card with 10 spaces for stamps but none are already stamped

Scenario B, Card 2
You buy a coffee and are given a reward card with 12 spaces for stamps but 2 of them have already being stamped

You are more likely to get Card 2 filled up before Card 1.

This is down to what is called the 'Goal Gradient Effect'; that you will accelerate your behaviour as you progress closer to your goal. The 'shorter' the distance to the goal, the more motivated people become to reach it. Even though you still have 10 places to fill on both cards, with Card 2 you feel that you have already started something that you now wish to finish.

However, motivation and purchases plummet right after the goal is reached when you enter the post-reward resetting stage. If there is any second reward level, you will not initially be very motivated to reach that second reward.

For the coffee shop owner, they are most at risk of losing you as an immediate customer right after a 'reward' has been reached.

- I would drink tea but I don't know the recipe...

Order coffee, the guy behind the counter goes, "You want the 32-ounce or the large?" Geez, how big is that large? "You'll wanna pull your car around back. I'll start the pump". That's a lot of fucking coffee, I don't know if I want to be awake that long in Tennessee.
                                                                                                                                                                    ~ Bill Hicks

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Skills to Pay the Bills

After witnessing the sublime talent of Lionel Messi tonight in the Champions League, one philosopher's words are most attributable,

''Ze zing about Arsenal is zey alvays try to valk in it''

'Talent hits a target no one else can hit, Genius hits a target no one else can see' 

- Arthur Schopenhauer