Digital and smoke-free
A diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction who's politically and anatomically ecologically incorrect
I've been up-linked and down-loaded, I've been in-putted and out-sourced
I know the up-side of down-sizing, I know the down-side of up-grading
I'm a high-tech low-life
A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bi-coastal, multi-tasker and I can give ya a gigabyte in a nanosecond
I'm new-wave but I'm old-school and my inner child is outward-bound
I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer
I'm voice-activated and bio-degradable
I interface in my database, my database is in cyberspace
So I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive, and from time to time I'm radioactive
Behind the eight-ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodgin' the bullet, pushin' the envelope
I'm on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs
I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge
I'm in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top but under-the-radar
A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary
A street-wise smart bomb, a top gun bottom feeder
I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps
I'm a totally on-going, big foot, slam dunk rain-maker with a pro-active out-reach
A raging work-aholic, a working rage-aholic
Out of rehab and in denial
I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda
Ya can't shut me up, ya can't dumb me down
'Cause I'm tireless and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha-male on beta-blockers
I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward
Up-front, down-home, low rent, high-maintenance
Super-size, long-lasting, high definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last
I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head-case
I'm prematurely post-traumatic and I have a love child who sends me hate mail
But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharingA supportive, bonding, nurturing, primary care-giver
My output is down but my income is up
I take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash flow
I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports
I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive, user-friendly and lactose-intolerant
I like rough sex, I like tough love
I use the F word in my email and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn
I bought a microwave at a mini-mall, I bought a mini van at a mega-store
I eat fast food in the slow lane
I'm toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes
A full-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated, medical miracle
I been pre-washed, pro-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and I have an unlimited broadband capacity
I'm a rude dude but I'm the real deal; lean and mean
I'm cocked, locked and ready to rock; rough, tough, and hard to bluff
I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my stride
Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin', jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'
I don't snooze so I don't lose
I keep the pedal to the metal, and the rubber on the road
I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time
I'm hangin' in, there ain't no doubt
And I'm hangin' tough, over and out.
~ George Carlin from Life Is Worth Losing
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