Live Your Best Life

I'm not sure where I seen the below passage, but it is extremely grounding.

Are we meant to mourn forever?
There is something sobering about how quickly the world moves on when a person dies. 

It reminds you that applause is brief attention is fleeting, and the crowd does not stay long.
So laugh while your lungs are strong enough to carry it.
Cry when you must.
Love deeply and allow yourself to be loved in return.
Travel if you can.
Eat good food.
Sit with friends and be merry.
Forgive quickly.
Carry no hatred in your chest; it is too heavy for such a short journey.
Do that thing you have been postponing. Stop telling yourself “One day".
Help someone.
Share what you have.
Give, even if it is small.
All we truly have is now. The present hour.
Make every second, minute, and hour count.
Live your best life.

If you can’t be a good example – be a warning

No one put things more starkly and more bleakly that the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, often referred to as the “philosopher of pessimism”.

In early youth, as we contemplate our coming life, we are like children in a theater before the curtain is raised, sitting there in high spirits and eagerly waiting for the play to begin. It is a blessing that we do not know what is really going to happen. Could we foresee it, there are times when children might seem like innocent prisoners, condemned not to death, but to life, and as yet all unconscious of what their sentence means. Nevertheless every man desires to reach old age; in other words, a state of life of which it may be said, “It is bad today, and it will be worse tomorrow— and so on till the worst of all.”

If you try to imagine as nearly as you can what an amount of misery, pain, and suffering of every kind the sun shines upon in its course, you will admit that it would be much better if on the earth as little as on the moon the sun were able to call forth the phenomena of life; and if, here as there, the surface were still in a crystalline state.

Again, you may look upon life as an unprofitable episode, disturbing the blessed calm of nonexistence. And in any case, even though things have gone with you tolerably well, the longer you live the more clearly you will feel that, on the whole, life is a disappointment, nay, a cheat.

If two men who were friends in their youth meet again when they are old, after being separated for a lifetime, the chief feeling they will have at the sight of each other will be one of complete disappointment at life as a whole; because their thoughts will be carried back to that earlier time when life seemed so fair as it lay spread out before them in the rosy light of dawn, promised so much — and then performed so little. This feeling will so completely predominate over every other that they will not even consider it necessary to give it words; but on either side it will be silently assumed, and form the groundwork of all they have to talk about.

He who lives to see two or three generations is like a man who sits some time in the conjurer’s booth at a fair and witnesses the performance twice or thrice in succession. The tricks were meant to be seen only once, and when they are no longer a novelty and cease to deceive, their effect is gone.

If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, would the human race continue to exist? Would not a man rather have so much sympathy with the coming generation as to spare it the burden of existence? Or at any rate not take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood.

- From Studies in Pessimism (1913)

The problem with being on time is that nobody is there to appreciate it

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.
You probably can’t. 

You know the month, the year, the day of the week. 

There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. 

You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. 

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. 

Birds are not late. 

A dog does not check its watch. 

Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. 

Man alone measures time. 

Man alone chimes the hour. 

And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. 

A fear of time running out.

- Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper

Some are just better able to deal with the daily punches of life

Pain or damage don’t end the world, or despair, or f**king beatings.
The world ends when you’re dead, until then, you got more punishment in store.
Stand it like a man, and give some back.

- Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) on HBO show Deadwood; S02 E07.

The Two-Headed Calf

- by Laura Gilpin

Published in 1977 in her award-winning poetry book, The Hocus-Pocus of the Universe, this poem invites readers to delve into the profound depths of its verses, grappling with themes of identity, acceptance, animal-rights concerns, and the inevitability of change.

There are so many metaphors and meaning in it.

So simple. So perfect.

Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief is a natural emotional reaction following a loss that is not openly accepted by society.

What sets disenfranchised grief apart is that it does not bring out sympathy or empathy in others. This sends the bereaved person a message that it is not acceptable to feel or express their pain and emotions.

According to Ken Doka, the American Grief and Loss expert who defined this grief in 1989 “Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported”.

He stated that there are five categories of this type of grief. These are when:

• The loss isn’t seen as important by others.
• The type of loss isn’t acknowledged or is stigmatized.
• Some people are not seen as entitled to grieve.
• The circumstances of the death are denied.
• The way grief is expressed is judged by others.

It is normal and expected to grieve after any loss, but not all losses are viewed equally by those around us. Not feeling welcome or comfortable to outwardly mourn or express the emotions that come with a loss can be isolating and can prolong and complicate the grieving process.

Have a look below at Jimmy Stewart reading a touching poem about his dog 'Beau' on the Carson Tonight Show.

All grief is most certainly valid...

''Begin'' - from The Essential Brendan Kennelly.

Brendan Kennelly recited this poem at the end of an episode of The Late Late Show in 1997. During the episode, Gay Byrne spoke with a recently bereaved mother who was chosen at random from among hundreds of thousands of entries for a postal quiz. The caller's daughter had sadly passed away due to a road accident the night before. It was a unique moment in the history of Irish television. Brendan's recital of the poem at the end of the show just fit perfectly in to the indescribable tragedy of it all.

Link: Late Late Show 1997 - Rita - YouTube

Begin again to the summoning birds
to the sight of the light at the window,
begin to the roar of morning traffic
all along Pembroke Road.

Every beginning is a promise
born in light and dying in dark
determination and exaltation of springtime
flowering the way to work.

Begin to the pageant of queuing girls
the arrogant loneliness of swans in the canal
bridges linking the past and future
old friends passing though with us still.

Begin to the loneliness that cannot end
since it perhaps is what makes us begin,
begin to wonder at unknown faces
at crying birds in the sudden rain
at branches stark in the willing sunlight
at seagulls foraging for bread
at couples sharing a sunny secret
alone together while making good.

Though we live in a world that dreams of ending
that always seems about to give in
something that will not acknowledge conclusion
insists that we forever begin.

Rainbow Bridge

For anyone who's ever lost a beloved furry friend

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown

It isn’t always easy to locate the moment mildly addictive behavior becomes self-destructive, even in retrospect.

There’s an old adage which says that the reason smokers don’t believe a cigarette can kill them is because a cigarette has never killed them before...

Get help to quit smoking: hse.ie/quit-smoking 

Make Hay while the Sun Shines

Why are we here? We couldn’t choose it...the chance of us being born. That sperm hitting that egg - 400 trillion to one. We’re just lucky and this is a holiday. We didn’t exist for 14 and a half billion years. Then we get 80 or 90 years - if we’re lucky. And then we’re never going to exist again. So let's make the most of it.

Talk to your friends, Talk to wrong numbers, everyone!

The secret to small talk is putting yourself out there, being open, genuine, and vulnerable in your desire to connect with others. This is more important than managing every interaction perfectly.               

                "Well, if this means opening your door to those in need,

                those in pain,

                caring for them, listening to them,

                if this is practicing medicine, if this is treating a patient...

                then I am guilty as charged.

                Transference is inevitable...

                Every human being has an impact on another.

                Why don't we want that in a patient/doctor relationship?

                A doctor's mission should be not just to prevent death...

                but also to improve the quality of life.

                That's why you treat a disease, you win, you lose.

                You treat a person, I guarantee you, you win, no matter what the outcome.

                Don't let them anesthetize you. Don't let them numb you out to the miracle of life.

                Always live in awe of the glorious mechanism of the human body.

                Let that be the focus of your studies and not a quest for grades...

                which'll give you no idea what kind of doctor you will become.

                Don't wait till you're on the ward to get your humanity back.

                Start your interviewing skills. Start talking to strangers.

                Talk to your friends, Talk to wrong numbers, everyone."

~ Robin Williams, Patch Adams (1998)

Compassion Fatigue in Funeral Directors

“The funeral director operates in a market with a seemingly endless source of supply – death will always occur and this service will always be required” (Parsons, 2003, p. 70).

This "endless source of supply" gave me the idea of examining the possibility that some funeral directors in Ireland may be susceptible to compassion fatigue. Thus formed the main hypothesis around my undergraduate psychology dissertation.

 

"One of the primary caregivers to the newly bereaved is the funeral director (Parsons, 2003). In their work with the bereaved and through body handling, they are among a group of occupations that witness death on a regular basis (Harrawood, White, & Benshoff, 2008). It is estimated that there are 600 funeral service providers in Ireland (Irish Hospice Foundation, 2011), who are responsible for the burial or cremation of up to 30,000 people a year. Some undertaking for the funeral director may be simply about guiding a family through proceedings and ensuring everything runs smoothly (Holloway et al., 2013), however more difficult situations may also present. Individuals who are bereaved by homicide can experience overwhelming emotions and intense suffering beyond the imagination of some (Malone, 2007). In organising funeral arrangements for these mourners, what is presented to the funeral director is most certainly a negotiation with a traumatised population. As Ireland has one of the highest rates of homicide in Europe (O’Keefe, 2014), and with 83 recorded cases in 2013 alone (Central Statistics Office, 2014), it is reasonable to suggest that some funeral directors are operating in an environment at risk of secondary traumatic stress."

It managed to get published in the Student Psychology Journal of Ireland and additionally received the best submission award. So all a whirlwind and proud venture for me. Aside from the results of the study, I think what I learned most is the actual arduous process that goes into research work and I tip my hat to those who work in research positions on a daily basis. So with a Masters dissertation about to begin, all I can do is sweat the thoughts of it. But it'll be fun...right?

I attached the link to the complete manuscript below if this is your cup of tea / can't sleep etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to full manuscript here
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''The very act of being compassionate and empathic extracts a cost under most circumstances. In our effort to view the world from the perspective of the suffering we suffer. The meaning of compassion is to bear suffering. Compassion fatigue, like any other kind of fatigue, reduces our capacity or our interest in bearing the suffering of others.''
                                                                         ~ Charles Figley, ''Compassion Fatigue: Psychotherapists’ Chronic Lack of Self-Care'' (2002)

No exceptions for nice people

I pretty much feel that this reading material today may be slightly taxing for being hung-the f**k-over (When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner); but sometimes you can't but help get roped into a few pages of thought provoking material.

 

''Laws of nature treat everyone alike. They do not make exceptions for good people or for useful people ... If Lee Harvey Oswald fires a bullet at President John F. Kennedy, laws of nature take over from the moment that bullet is fired. Neither the course of the bullet nor the seriousness of the wound will be affected by questions of whether or not President Kennedy was a good person, or whether the world would be better off with him alive or dead. Laws of nature do not make exceptions for nice people. A bullet has no conscience; neither does a malignant tumour or an automobile gone out of control ... '' (p. 67, 1978).

 

While the laws of nature have no consideration for my hangover right now; the sh*t load of burgers and absolute junk I've been throwing down my flavour shnout are putting up a fight. 

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''Nature never breaks her own laws'' ~ Leonardo da Vinci

Loss of a Partner in Old Age

Old people don't die of a 'broken heart', but because grief weakens their immune system, according to scientists.

 

Dr. Anna Phillips, who led the University of Birmingham study, said ''I believe it's the answer to why we see wives and husbands dying soon after the death of a spouse, who is their main social support.''

The researchers argue that this could help explain why elderly couples often die within days of each other. They found that bereavement causes stress hormones to become unbalanced in the elderly and lead to a reduction in immune system cells.

 

They analysed a type of white blood cell called the neutrophil, which plays a critical role in fending off any invasions of bacteria or other infectious agents that could lead to serious illnesses, such as pneumonia, which often claims the lives of elderly, bereaved people. While neutrophil numbers were not lowered in the older people, their ability to kill bacteria with destructive molecules called reactive-oxygen species was compromised.

 

However, the researchers found that the phenomenon was only seen in people older than 65. Younger people appear to be less susceptible to the physical effects of bereavement on their immune systems.

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''A broken heart bleeds tears''  
                                         ~ Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free